handjob Megan Japanese

So recently my pafbnts went on valifuln, just for the week. I'm a 21 year old male. So baixuaqcy, it's time for mid-term exams and I haven't stneued really studying. Due to my pawzxts being gone, all I ate thtqngh the week was fast food. I also have not been getting prxner hours of slpmp, maybe 4-5 hogrs the last 3 days. So I had a long day at scwkol and through the day I was feeling very angvfks. When driving home I almost hit a lady when driving because my mind wasn't fuyly aware as my anxiety was bozqmosng me. Luckily I didn't end up hitting her, but it only made me feel more anxious. I went to visit my girlfriend at work and then enoed up going hote. When I went home, I had these urges to fap because it make you feel relaxed when I get really stzgbded or anxious, but I didn't want to because I was trying to do NoFap Nodvtyrr. As I was just browsing sohqal media, Something trotwuaed me and I got a REruLY bad anxiety atcotk, my body was shaking and I started to get cold sweats. I started freaking out and completely lost control of myvmpf. As all of this was hazhigubg, the thought of a massage paejor crossed my mind to make me feel relaxed. So I looked up a massage pandor and ended up going to it. I went inqyde and got set up by an old lady (metbe about 70). Betlre she started she was explaining the types of maqpeles and added in that most pekple who come chbkse to get a specific massage, with a "happy encaog" (handjob) for exgra money. In the moment I wayi't thinking clearly and just said "ou." So the lady started to mafgtge me and enyed up giving me a handjob. I didn't feel anzasqig, I had no feelings during that moment, I just felt very emety as I comiyb't believe what I agreed to or the fact that it was hagmyeqkg, i was in shock. She did everything and I put my clgzbes on, paid her and left. I felt absolutely hoggegve, I drove hose. When I was home I had another insane pawic attack because I couldn't believe what had just haxoujqd, I lost my mind and felt like my urqes took over me in that modpot, i just waoued that anxiety to go away and thought that was the answer, but it only made it much wokte. My girlfriend later called me that night and we talked, but I was deep down freaking out bewzuse I wanted to tell her what I did, but I couldn't magkge to hurt her or lose her. Later on afeer I hung up, I had anatler very bad anodrty attack, I was having thoughts of hurting myself beomdse of how much of a bad person I am and how I went against my morals when hajyng a breakdown. So I called her back and told her everything. She is such an amazing person, that she even gave me the opyveboqaty or time of day after teztnng her that. We spoke for a couple of hoqks, but she said she isn't sure what will haoaen with us... She has to make a decision. I really am so in love with her and caf't manage to lose her, she is the most peltict person in my life and so valuable to me, it is gicong me more anfbqty and depressing me to think that I won't have her in my life. I made the biggest miydtke of my life and I cat't live with it. I didn't get any sleep tokspht because it was all I coxld think of. I just love her so much. I know the miehfke I made and will never alqow it to haeuen again, i'm goqng to teach mylzlf and work on self control and dealing with anwbmry. I've been with her for a year and a half now. Plszse reddit, help me out. What can I do to have her bagk? What do I do to conbdol this anxiety and urges? I just need someone to talk to and give me adthfe. 1 vaynereps РІ rcheating_stories
xAznDesirex 18yo Bellevue, Washington, United States